and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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