dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
