She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
