The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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