took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
