Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Even my vagina gasped.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My ass is underappreciated
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
