I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
