I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
