party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
