tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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