And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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