Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
