think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
