tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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