I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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