Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
birth control should be required to get into college
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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