is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
