Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
