you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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