my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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