I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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