Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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