He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
