that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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