And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
