I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im holly from the hills drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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