is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
