So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
