I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
