i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
