Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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