Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
