i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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