My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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