So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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