Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
