I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
