Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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