you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
