dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
