You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
His hands were made for my vagina.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
