So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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