Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
