I accidentally had phone sex last night
Small penises have feelings too.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
