Who wears a wallet chain?!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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