My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
where are my eyebrows?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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