I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize