the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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