she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Less talking, more tequila
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
