People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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