Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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