wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
