You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize