I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
