whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
