I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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