Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
