Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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