Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
