this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
