He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
