I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize