I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
