She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
