I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
