Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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