I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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