That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
