have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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