the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
