No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
