The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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