a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
