oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
