guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
